Assalamualaikum

an express post, nothing much to be written actually,

okay, I can tell that something doesn't feel right today. Im too ... obsesses with achieving high grade ... and it isn't today alone actually, I felt it for past few days ...

due to this, all I do most of the time is thinking what to study, how to understand and how to tackle everything within the topic, though we haven't learn much yet, but yeap, I sure did a lot of thing for what I learnt in class, which mostly are unnecessary

NOW

Im a little doubting bout my action, what I did

especially when Im thinking who Im and the future programs

AND

when aunty told me bout Japan, yeap, my dreamland since I was child, around 3 years old.

now, the opportunities to go there is no longer a joke, but ...

I need to study, and I need those experience as well,

now Im stuck right in the middle of these 2.

I appreciate the way how you help me to brighten up my view about world, the way you enriched me with every single detail about outer world, and yeah, everything you shared to me are definitely useful for me.

BUT

due to this addiction towards higher pointer

Im restricting myself with any other things that might disrupt my current rhythm 

because I think

Im doing well for past few days

only for these days

and I really hope that I can keep with this pace,

and Im sacrificing my students experience

for this sake





I somehow feel guilty to myself
for allowing myself to choose this path